Rekindle Your Relationship

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Kids take a toll on a marriage. They do. No denying this fact. We all have friends that talk about how wonderful their marriage is and how the kids made them stronger and more happy and I say quietly in my head “Yeah right.” Not they didn’t. Sure, your children may have strengthened a bond between you, of course. But then when it’s 2am and a child is scream crying because they have a cold and your husband didn’t put the medicine back in the medicine cabinet and you are forced to search the house because it is missing, don’t try and tell me your tone of voice you use with him is the same one you used before kids arrived. This new tone of voice coming from your body is hard core, demeaning, annoyed, cutting at times depending on the situation, and very ugly. Personally, you hate that your voice sounds like this and the words coming out are what they are, but hey, you are flippin’ tired as hell and your husband doesn’t do what in your mind are the easiest tasks to keep things in life straight forward and simple. I’m projecting. This is our situation and I’m sure some women have husbands who do the voice, but from what I hear it comes mostly from the mommy’s mouth because we are, after all, always right.

And this is the beginning. Then you take into account that you both have 500 more chores now with a baby around, less energy, less sleep, and of course way less sex. If you don’t have less sex, let’s face it. The sex you are having is more on a “let’s have sex” quickie style and then move on. The days seem to be over where your sex drive is thriving and it all seemed so much easier and more natural. It becomes the dreaded……..clockwork.

What inevitably happens now, without this connection, without the sex, without the loving words, is resentment. Anger. Frustration. Disconnect. And then that awful tone in your voice starts happening all the time.

So yes, this can be sad. This can take over. This can ruin or even end a marriage. But instead of sitting around thinking about how unhappy you are, maybe try a few positive things to help restore your love and connection. We all, myself included, find it easier to truck along and let the negative sides creep in without facing them straight on right away. The longer we wait and settle in, the harder it will be to dig out. This hole of resentment can get pretty deep if we let it. So let’s dig people.

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What you are REALLY in for (aka: holy sh*t)

Keeping up with my theme of having a hard time this week, I was thinking about all the things you read and watch to prepare for the transition into motherhood and all that it entails. P.S. you can burn every book you ever bought, because none of them tell you the cold hard reality of what you are signing up for, hence the tougher transition for people like I. It sounds awful I am sure, and I have to send out a disclaimer that it is still the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. But I freely admit that on some days, it’s the worst. So keeping it real, here is the real “What to expect” Regan style.

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Tough Times (Aimed at Mothers to be)

Ladies, (and gentlemen) we all know that babies are a lot of work. That they take over and turn your life upside down. It’s commonsense. But there are blinders over our eyes about one HUGE subject. The marriage (i.e. what happens to your marriage) when the baby comes. Chris and I took parenting classes and labor classes before Jack was born, but we didn’t realize that we would possibly need marriage classes as well. Probably more than the other classes put together. And staying true with the whole “brutal honesty” I have going on in this blog, I obviously have to address the issue and maybe help a future mother along her path.

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