A Labor Story

Our less than Fabulous Labor Story

I did what most women do when faced with the prospect of having to give birth, I did everything in my power to be convinced that it would be a piece of cake. Ok, most women don’t do that. But after much research and a few documentaries on the topic, I really did believe that giving birth was a completely natural and beautiful process. I mean, take a look at any horse or cow giving birth in a field! They are calm, serene, and focused on something that their body was meant to do. So when I really thought about it, I said “My body is meant for this. It’s natural and right, and the interference of my mind is going to be the reason it will hurt more than it has to.” It makes sense right? If you resist the pain and fight against it, breathing quick breathes and trying to escape the pain, your body tenses up and THAT is the reason you feel more pain. Right?

So I signed myself into some hypnobirthing classes to help me and my husband learn to meditate through the labor and keep me calm and serene, just like the animals  are. This will make it a smooth and easy labor. I also planned out a well defined birth plan and gave it to my Doctor so we could all be on the same page as far as my wants and needs on the big day. A few examples? I wanted a dimly lit room, no loud talking so that I could concentrate, no offers of any medication whatsoever, and I forbid my doctor to coach me to “push” at anytime. I wanted a healthy, drug free, happy labor.

Fast forward to Sunday, March 12th at 3pm and directly after a day at the Flea Market and a massive vegetarian burrito. Enter the first mind blowing contraction as I come in from the garage. This contraction told me one thing, “You have no f**cking idea what you are in for.”

I went from a normal human being to an 8cm dilated raving lunatic. Classical music I prepared in advance, banned. Aromatherapy mists I made in preparation, banned. Sister bringing up a board game to play, BANNED. I was basically a nude psychopath crawling around on the ground doing everything to escape my body, the exact opposite as I had hoped. I dilated so quickly that we went straight to the hospital and the doctor came rushing in, we all thought “This baby is going to pop right out!” Jack had other ideas and decided to wait 9 hours in this final stage before joining us in the labor room. In that 9 hours, I spent most of my time rolling, crawling, and cussing in the most undignified manner of all time. The lights were bright, people were everywhere, and I begged my doctor to coach me all she wanted if it would get this baby out.

I have to say, I was as prepared as a person can be in life, but nothing can prepare you. There is nothing but the present moment, there is no escape, and you are more in tune with your body and with the life force of this planet than you will ever be. It’s amazing, and I was able to do it without drugs of any kind, although as soon as Jack came out I begged for drugs. (Still didn’t take any though). I think, drugs or not, it’s amazing we can even do it and every single woman should be proud to have gone through such a crazy and beautiful experience. After about a week of “I am NEVER going to do that again” I got my rose colored glasses on and now I am looking forward to it when it does happen. At least I know what I am in for this time!

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